"But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD." [Jonah 2:9, NIV]
How awesome would it be to see world class doctor's bow down and worship our Heavenly Father tomorrow morning for His miraculous healing, signs and wonders in Jackson's life? It is not a matter of can He...but Will He? And I can honestly say - I don't know! I don't know how God will perfectly work out His divine and holy purposes in Jackson tomorrow morning - but He will! And Kel and I are ready to go - and our heart's cry out that tomorrow morning all would know that God is our Healer and that Salvation comes through His Son - Christ Jesus alone! And so tonight...with a song of thanksgiving - we surrender Jackson to our Heavenly Father's Sovereignty!
It has been quite a month - and I can't believe that it has been 25 days since I last wrote! But as promised...I will write when felt led to do so! The last three weeks have been intense, and full of God's miraculous blessings! We still can't believe that we are living in this beautiful home! It is more than anything we ever could have imagined! And you want to talk about the demonstration of God's Love and support...I can't begin to tell you how many "man and woman" hours have been put in over the last three weeks by our amazing friends and family to help turn this house into a home! And to see the Hand of God move through them has been one of the greatest blessings I have ever witnessed - and tonight...it definitely is home!
The move was as perfect as one can be - and to be back in "community" with our church family literally two minutes away is indescribable! As we traveled over the last day from the farm...Carter said. "daddy - does this mean our vacation is over?" Vacation! Are you kidding me...that was no vacation - but talk about an awesome time of preparation and growth individually and as a family! Our God is an awesome God - and I will ever shout praise for the ways in which He united and developed this family through our time in the "wilderness"!
And oh how the many opportunities to "Be Still" and dig into His Word have powerfully moved over the last several weeks! Being very transparent...there has been some honest doubt over the last three weeks, and the enemy has been on the attack! And we are absolutely exhausted! Scheme after scheme has been brought - and yet here we are standing in our Heavenly Father's Strength and peace hours away from Jackson's birth! This is the night that we have been waiting for through so many sleepless nights...and I can't begin to share all the emotion! I feel like I am graduating high school or college all over again! Better yet...the night before our wedding! You remember the emotions you experienced in those moments...so excited, proud, pumped, anxious, nervous, and yet scared to death! Or maybe that is just the first born coming out again...but that is where we are tonight! Every emotion possible I think we have experienced in the last three days or are experiencing right now! We are ready to go...with all eyes on Jesus!
The gameplan:
Tomorrow morning, Monday - November 30th - Kelly will deliver Jackson by c-section at Magee Women's Hospital. He will immediately be stabilized in Magee's Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and as soon as he is able, will be transferred to Children's Hospital where he will be stabilized, observed and evaluated for several days. After meeting with Dr. Merrell - (Jackson's Pediatric Cardio-vascular Surgeon) last week, at this point everything is on the table regarding his care and surgical plan. Dr. Merrell and his staff want to give Jackson's left ventricle all the time they can for it to demonstrate its functionality and effectiveness to sustain life. They are prepared for the worse surgical course of action (the Norwood series of surgeries), but are not ruling out another angioplasty balloon or valve(s) replacement surgery. It truly is up in the air as to what/when/how God will move! But - we trust that He will reveal His plan and course of action for Jackson! And we continue to plea and cry out for God's super-natural, divine healing! Hey - Christ waited for two days to raise Lazarus from the dead...who knows what He has planned! But we do know that He is by our side and that His Word is a lamp unto our feet! He will be with us hour by hour, step by step - and even though our desire is for a huge flood light that will light up the landscape and dangers 500 yards around us...we embrace and stand on His promise of a lamp!
And so tonight...stand with us and Praise Him! Sing a song of Thanksgiving...and surrender to His Will! He can, has and will continue to move mountains - part waters - deliver us from evil - and forever shower us with His Seriously Ridiculous Love!
With all eyes on Jesus...let us walk through fire!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Walking through fire...
But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy one of Israel, your Savior!" [Isaiah 43: 1-3, NKJV]
Jackson Update:
Last week Kelly brought me a thought from one of Karen Kingsbury's latest books entitled Summer that will forever change my perspective and posture when praying through storms of life. It was a prayer so simple, but foundational in our faith for the journey that we are walking through: "Doug, let's pray that God would make clear the lines between wanting a miracle and walking through fire!"
Do we believe that the Lord our God can and will heal Jackson? ...without a shadow of a doubt!
Do we want a miracle from our Heavenly Father? ...you better believe it!
Have we pleaded with our Savior for one? ...absolutely!
Is God calling us to walk through fire? ...it seems so!
Wednesday was a day that will forever change the landscape of our family - as if the last 5 months haven't drastically done so already! It was a day that forever will be engraved on our hearts with great disappointment, pain and sorrow - but surrounded in absolute Peace and Strength from our Heavenly Father! The tears tell the story and the broken heart shares the journey! But we will stand...with hands raised high, and hearts surrendered for we know that to continue walking by Faith we must Trust and Obey! Why would we turn our backs now on the One who perfectly formed and created Jackson? He is perfectly and wonderfully made - and even though from our human perspective we see the devastation of a defect, God divinely sees the pursuit of His purpose...and we will surrender, lay down our lives and follow Him through this this fire!
The echo cardiogram and ultrasound confirmed that the left side of Jackson's heart has stopped developing at this point. The worst scenario of a hypo-plastic left heart the doctor's shared with us early July has become a reality! There is no squeeze, and even though the Fetal Aortic Balloon surgery on July 24th was "technically successful" the desired outcome of a bi-ventricle heart does not seem to be realized. And after the intense and very "real" conversations with Dr. Emery, Dr. Speer, Dr. Sherman and Dr. Vatz...and as the disappointment filled our eyes with many tears...plans were developed for the series of surgeries - known as the Norwood procedure - to begin a few days after Jackson's birth. In the words of Dr. Emery..."we did not hit a grand slam, and for this I am very sorry!"
The news broke us...and thus the reason for the delay in writing! But, I can't begin to tell you how amazing our wise counsel, community of encouragers and team of doctors are - you want to talk about incredible care, support and encouragement! Our doctors have been - and will be - rocks of wisdom and encouragement as we walk through a very intense storm to save Jackson' life! It seems that God is going to work a miracle through the hands, minds and hearts of this incredible team of men and women to save a life that truly has transformed ours - even in the womb! We don't know how He will do it...but we trust that He will heal Jackson! He may not cure him the way we want, but Christ is our Savior, Healer and Redeemer - and we place our Hope and Trust in Him!
To be honest...I can't wait to see how the Lord works all this out! I know that even though we walk through this very dark valley - that our Savior has gone before us! He is by our side! He is faithful! He is Love! And His mercies are new every morning! He has made clear the lines, but He is not limited by our circumstances! He can move this mountain and I believe that He will in ways that will continue to shock and awe us all!
So what are we going to do....we are going to Praise Him with Great Thanksgiving! Our hearts echo that of Paul's found in Ephesians 1, that "All Praise be to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding!"
We will stand and Praise Him for the Glorious Grace He has poured out over us! So many in this world are crying! Striving to earn grace! Looking for love! Searching for answers! Is He not enough? Where will we go...where will we run? To Him - for He is by our side whenever we fall! He is there in the dead of this darkness! Please don't fight His Hands that are holding us! Oh how He Loves us! And He wants you to know that He will never let you go! God never said it would be easy...but He promised it would be worth it!
Jackson Update:
Last week Kelly brought me a thought from one of Karen Kingsbury's latest books entitled Summer that will forever change my perspective and posture when praying through storms of life. It was a prayer so simple, but foundational in our faith for the journey that we are walking through: "Doug, let's pray that God would make clear the lines between wanting a miracle and walking through fire!"
Do we believe that the Lord our God can and will heal Jackson? ...without a shadow of a doubt!
Do we want a miracle from our Heavenly Father? ...you better believe it!
Have we pleaded with our Savior for one? ...absolutely!
Is God calling us to walk through fire? ...it seems so!
Wednesday was a day that will forever change the landscape of our family - as if the last 5 months haven't drastically done so already! It was a day that forever will be engraved on our hearts with great disappointment, pain and sorrow - but surrounded in absolute Peace and Strength from our Heavenly Father! The tears tell the story and the broken heart shares the journey! But we will stand...with hands raised high, and hearts surrendered for we know that to continue walking by Faith we must Trust and Obey! Why would we turn our backs now on the One who perfectly formed and created Jackson? He is perfectly and wonderfully made - and even though from our human perspective we see the devastation of a defect, God divinely sees the pursuit of His purpose...and we will surrender, lay down our lives and follow Him through this this fire!
The echo cardiogram and ultrasound confirmed that the left side of Jackson's heart has stopped developing at this point. The worst scenario of a hypo-plastic left heart the doctor's shared with us early July has become a reality! There is no squeeze, and even though the Fetal Aortic Balloon surgery on July 24th was "technically successful" the desired outcome of a bi-ventricle heart does not seem to be realized. And after the intense and very "real" conversations with Dr. Emery, Dr. Speer, Dr. Sherman and Dr. Vatz...and as the disappointment filled our eyes with many tears...plans were developed for the series of surgeries - known as the Norwood procedure - to begin a few days after Jackson's birth. In the words of Dr. Emery..."we did not hit a grand slam, and for this I am very sorry!"
The news broke us...and thus the reason for the delay in writing! But, I can't begin to tell you how amazing our wise counsel, community of encouragers and team of doctors are - you want to talk about incredible care, support and encouragement! Our doctors have been - and will be - rocks of wisdom and encouragement as we walk through a very intense storm to save Jackson' life! It seems that God is going to work a miracle through the hands, minds and hearts of this incredible team of men and women to save a life that truly has transformed ours - even in the womb! We don't know how He will do it...but we trust that He will heal Jackson! He may not cure him the way we want, but Christ is our Savior, Healer and Redeemer - and we place our Hope and Trust in Him!
To be honest...I can't wait to see how the Lord works all this out! I know that even though we walk through this very dark valley - that our Savior has gone before us! He is by our side! He is faithful! He is Love! And His mercies are new every morning! He has made clear the lines, but He is not limited by our circumstances! He can move this mountain and I believe that He will in ways that will continue to shock and awe us all!
So what are we going to do....we are going to Praise Him with Great Thanksgiving! Our hearts echo that of Paul's found in Ephesians 1, that "All Praise be to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding!"
We will stand and Praise Him for the Glorious Grace He has poured out over us! So many in this world are crying! Striving to earn grace! Looking for love! Searching for answers! Is He not enough? Where will we go...where will we run? To Him - for He is by our side whenever we fall! He is there in the dead of this darkness! Please don't fight His Hands that are holding us! Oh how He Loves us! And He wants you to know that He will never let you go! God never said it would be easy...but He promised it would be worth it!
So here is how the "fire" seems to be lining up...
November 30th or December 1, Kelly will deliver Jackson by c-section at Magee Women's Hospital, where he will be stabilized in the NICU and transferred to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh as soon as possible. Jackson will then undergo a few days of testing, evaluation and preparation before the first surgery to begin by-passing the left side of his heart at 3 or 4 days of age. He will then be stabilized and monitored in the Cardiac Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit at Children's Hospital for 3 to 4 weeks following surgery. Most likely Jackson will not be home before January 2010 with weekly visits to follow at Children's hospital, until the second surgery at 3 or 4months. At this point an extended plan of care will be established before the third surgery between 2 and 3 years old.
Obviously this is going to be a very long road, and intense fire to walk through! We are not sure all that we will face, nor the emotion we will experience, but when we are discouraged we will let our heads lead our hearts by the Promise of Isaiah 43..."When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy one of Israel, your Savior!" [Isaiah 43: 3, NKJV]
Move Update:
This week is going to be a very intense week in its own right as we will be moving into the new house in Wexford, PA. Tomorrow we will be finalizing plans with Kevin and Beth and signing the lease agreement after church. They are scheduled to move out on Monday, and then we will begin moving in Tuesday evening. Thursday morning, the moving company will be unloading all of our belongings that have been in storage over the last 4 months! [Praise God...we will finally be able to stop wearing flip flops, even though this coming week will be "spring like"!]
Please continue to reinforce the foundation of prayer! Trust me - your prayers are felt and there is no way that we would be standing if were not for the demonstrations and expressions of encouragement, faith and support you all have shown through our Heavenly Father! We love you all so much and thank you for standing and walking through this storm with us!
Keep the faith...Keep it real...and Keep your eyes on Jesus!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You read my mind...
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God!" [Hebrews 12:2, NIV]
You know...the testing of your faith develops perseverance! That is the promise of James 1:3 - and today, we are ready to run! And we ask that you run this race with us! Run the race of faith - allowing your faith and actions to work together so that others might see the Love, Grace and Pursuit of our Heavenly Father in their lives! Your Faith is of greater worth than gold, for even gold will be destroyed when refined by fire - but not our faith in Christ Jesus! Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith, and Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. [1 Peter 1:8-9, NIV]
We have suffered much through the many trials we have faced in this time of His refining fire...but today - with great joy - we rejoice! Today is the day...and by faith we step out! With the overwhelming peace and strength of our Savior, we persevere!
Please be in prayer today for our appointments with Dr. Emery, Dr. Sherman, Dr. Speer and the neo-natal teams of Magee Women's and Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh! Don't know what we will learn today...but we pray for the wisdom, knowledge, peace, grace and strength to Praise Him no matter what unfolds! Lord - we continue to pray for a miracle...and that through this...those hurting and broken in our world might come to know you and find the great joy we have in Your Unfailing Love! We love you Lord - and we thank you for your incredible blessing in our lives! Here we go...
All Eyes on Jesus!
You know...the testing of your faith develops perseverance! That is the promise of James 1:3 - and today, we are ready to run! And we ask that you run this race with us! Run the race of faith - allowing your faith and actions to work together so that others might see the Love, Grace and Pursuit of our Heavenly Father in their lives! Your Faith is of greater worth than gold, for even gold will be destroyed when refined by fire - but not our faith in Christ Jesus! Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith, and Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. [1 Peter 1:8-9, NIV]
We have suffered much through the many trials we have faced in this time of His refining fire...but today - with great joy - we rejoice! Today is the day...and by faith we step out! With the overwhelming peace and strength of our Savior, we persevere!
Please be in prayer today for our appointments with Dr. Emery, Dr. Sherman, Dr. Speer and the neo-natal teams of Magee Women's and Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh! Don't know what we will learn today...but we pray for the wisdom, knowledge, peace, grace and strength to Praise Him no matter what unfolds! Lord - we continue to pray for a miracle...and that through this...those hurting and broken in our world might come to know you and find the great joy we have in Your Unfailing Love! We love you Lord - and we thank you for your incredible blessing in our lives! Here we go...
All Eyes on Jesus!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Once Again...
But once again...I say amen and it's still raining!
As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"! And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away!
I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am! And every tear I've cried You hold in your hand, You never left my side and though my heart is torn...I will praise you in this storm!
[Mark Hall, Casting Crowns, Praise You In This Storm]
Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God, for He is gracious and lovely; praise is becoming and appropriate...
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds! He determines and counts the number of the stars; He calls them all by their names. Great is our Lord and of great power; His understanding is inexhaustible and boundless. The Lord lifts up the humble and downtrodden; He casts the wicked down to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; sing praises! [Psalm 147:1-11, Amplified Bible]
"Why, daddy? Why is Jackson's heart not working right?"
"Bubba, I don't know - why? But God does, and Jackson is in His hands!"
"I know daddy, but Jesus gives us a new heart and He can just reach over and touch him and make his heart better!"
Oh, to have faith like a child! Talk about breaking your heart...especially when those big blue eyes look up at you for guidance, encouragement, wisdom and insight! But this is just one highlighted of our conversations with Carter over the last week or so, as he is so concerned, compassionate, and loving and if you want to talk about a prayer warrior – our little man has laid quite the foundation of prayer for his little brother! But, please don't miss the wisdom in Carter's words! Don't miss the promise that Carter spoke of found in Ezekiel 36...
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." [25-27]
The Promise is a new heart and a new spirit! Removing our old hearts of stone and giving us one that is full of life! And this is our prayer as we head into a day full of appointments with our team of doctors and the neo-natal teams of Magee Women's and Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh...we don't know the outcome - but God has gone before us, and His comprehension, understanding, love, mercy, faithfulness, care and compassion are inexhaustible and boundless! And we believe that He can and will heal Jackson's heart...how...don't know! But He is God - and we will leave that up to Him!
And we will continue to praise Him for who He is! We will praise Him because of what He did on the Cross of Calvary - where He gave His one and only Son...why? Because He loved us so much! He has washed us clean! Set us free, apart and holy! And praise Him for His Amazing Grace that saved us because we believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that He is Lord! [Romans 10:9]
So..."why daddy?" is a question that we won't ask! We don't need to know the "why"...because we trust: That He is who He said He was, is and forever will be! That He is, was and will be Totally Victorious! That He defeated death when He rose again! That we can put our hope, future and life in His hands - because He is Love! He is our Refuge! He is our Strength! He is our Peace! He is life...full and abundant! And so many times we get caught up in the "details", the "whys" and the "hows" of it all...but I ask that you put that hammer down with me! Trust that He has this totally worked out according to His purposes! And yeah, it is still raining! The thunder continues to roll, and it is tough to hear Him whisper in the wind through the rain....but He is with us!
Tomorrow is huge...and we are excited to be able to share the story of God's incredible work - so stay tuned! And get to singing ya'll! Praise His Name!
And remember...
"the LORD delights in those who reverently and worshipfully fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love!" [Psalm 147:11]
We love you...and All Eyes on Jesus!
As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"! And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away!
I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am! And every tear I've cried You hold in your hand, You never left my side and though my heart is torn...I will praise you in this storm!
[Mark Hall, Casting Crowns, Praise You In This Storm]
Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God, for He is gracious and lovely; praise is becoming and appropriate...
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds! He determines and counts the number of the stars; He calls them all by their names. Great is our Lord and of great power; His understanding is inexhaustible and boundless. The Lord lifts up the humble and downtrodden; He casts the wicked down to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; sing praises! [Psalm 147:1-11, Amplified Bible]
"Why, daddy? Why is Jackson's heart not working right?"
"Bubba, I don't know - why? But God does, and Jackson is in His hands!"
"I know daddy, but Jesus gives us a new heart and He can just reach over and touch him and make his heart better!"
Oh, to have faith like a child! Talk about breaking your heart...especially when those big blue eyes look up at you for guidance, encouragement, wisdom and insight! But this is just one highlighted of our conversations with Carter over the last week or so, as he is so concerned, compassionate, and loving and if you want to talk about a prayer warrior – our little man has laid quite the foundation of prayer for his little brother! But, please don't miss the wisdom in Carter's words! Don't miss the promise that Carter spoke of found in Ezekiel 36...
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." [25-27]
The Promise is a new heart and a new spirit! Removing our old hearts of stone and giving us one that is full of life! And this is our prayer as we head into a day full of appointments with our team of doctors and the neo-natal teams of Magee Women's and Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh...we don't know the outcome - but God has gone before us, and His comprehension, understanding, love, mercy, faithfulness, care and compassion are inexhaustible and boundless! And we believe that He can and will heal Jackson's heart...how...don't know! But He is God - and we will leave that up to Him!
And we will continue to praise Him for who He is! We will praise Him because of what He did on the Cross of Calvary - where He gave His one and only Son...why? Because He loved us so much! He has washed us clean! Set us free, apart and holy! And praise Him for His Amazing Grace that saved us because we believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that He is Lord! [Romans 10:9]
So..."why daddy?" is a question that we won't ask! We don't need to know the "why"...because we trust: That He is who He said He was, is and forever will be! That He is, was and will be Totally Victorious! That He defeated death when He rose again! That we can put our hope, future and life in His hands - because He is Love! He is our Refuge! He is our Strength! He is our Peace! He is life...full and abundant! And so many times we get caught up in the "details", the "whys" and the "hows" of it all...but I ask that you put that hammer down with me! Trust that He has this totally worked out according to His purposes! And yeah, it is still raining! The thunder continues to roll, and it is tough to hear Him whisper in the wind through the rain....but He is with us!
Tomorrow is huge...and we are excited to be able to share the story of God's incredible work - so stay tuned! And get to singing ya'll! Praise His Name!
And remember...
"the LORD delights in those who reverently and worshipfully fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love!" [Psalm 147:11]
We love you...and All Eyes on Jesus!
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