Suffering...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials."  [1 Peter 1:3-6]

 

So...what question are you struggling with today? May it be the one swirling around as we look at the fierce storms, tragedy, struggle, or suffering that seems to be everywhere we turn? It may be unspoken...but thought of none the less! It may be a quiet conversation between you and your spouse, or you and your wise counsel. It may be released alone or where a group is gathered in prayer...but often times...there is no answer.

I received a Facebook message a week ago from a friend struggling for answers, asking "why would God allow the devastation, tragedy and suffering that the children, families, and country of Haiti are experiencing in the wake of the earthquake?" However, the question goes beyond Haiti...doesn't it? The question occurs in our own homes, our own relationships, our own families, churches and communities. Why God would you allow suffering and trial? Why God would you allow this storm - not just on "them" - but on me, my family, and my community? There is no easy answer - but there is one of perfect truth:

"These [suffering and trials] have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls!" [1 Peter 1:7-9]

Many times in life...God does not work nor answer prayer in the ways in which we feel He should. And we struggle with that! We struggle with the results. We struggle with the wind. We struggle with the waves. We struggle with the unknown, the uncertainty, and the unanswered. Let's be honest...we struggle in the midst of trial and suffering when we want to understand why? When we want to walk by sight - "in the know" by evidence and understanding - and not by faith! When we want to see the whole picture - including the outcome...but He is the One who is in all, through all and over all - isn't He! He is the One who is Victory! He is the One who is all wisdom and knowledge! And yet we still struggle...because just like any child we just want to know "why!" My question is..."who are you turning to for answers"?

Struggle is real...and our struggle leads to stumble when we believe our ways are better than His! When we act in ways that are not according to His good, pleasing, and perfect Will! We all struggle! And we all stumble! [see James 3] Not one of us is perfect - He is - and we stumble when we do not obey His message!

In 1 Peter, His message is clear! Times of suffering and trial have come so that your faith may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed! I want you to know...that we have struggled through this journey! There have been times of doubt, times of pain, times of anger, times of "why God would you do this to me", times of intense trial, and deep suffering! But God is Faithful! He is Perfect! He is our Healer, Redeemer and Restorer! He is our Rescue! He is our Peace! He is our Joy! He is our Strength! He is our Deliverer! He is our Provider! He is our Hope! And we will continue to worship Him, and Praise Him, and Give Him all the Glory in the midst of this storm...for He alone is worthy!

He may not always speak in a voice that is loud enough to drown out the noise of this world - but when you draw  close to Him...there is breakthrough! When you encounter the Living God...He will give you life - full and abundant! Do you believe in Jesus Christ? Do you believe that you have been reconciled to God through His death on the Cross? Do you believe that you have a living hope through His resurrection from the grave? Do you believe that through faith you are shielded by God's power until Christ's return? Do you believe in God or do you believe God? Because if you believe God, when you face the storms, trials and the suffering of life...your faith will be proven genuine and result in the praise, glory and honor of our Risen Lord and Savior!

In the midst of trial...Praise Him! In the midst of suffering...Praise Him! In the midst of tragedy...Praise Him! In devastation...Praise Him! Why...because He is, was and forever will be totally Victorious! His Redemptive plan is ALWAYS at work! He experienced suffering, trial and loss...when His love for you - and me - sent His one and Only Son to the Cross! And if we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord...we will be saved through the tragedy and the suffering this world offers!

It has been a rough two weeks as we "re-prepare" for Jackson's second open-heart surgery in the last 9 weeks. And I hope and pray that our transparency with the struggle of this journey does not cause you doubt, worry or disbelief! But gives you a great sense of peace...because we believe and stand firm in the Word - when He spoke to His disciples..."In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world!" [John 16:33]

Too many times the "stained glass masquerades" that occur in our homes, churches, and friendships close the door to the opportunity for growth in relationship and praise in worship of our Savior. We are not perfect...rather - very flawed...and we too struggle and have stumbled! But Thank God for His Forgiveness and Unconditional Love! We have not walked this storm perfectly, or done everything right...but our Heavenly Father is awesome! He is so faithful, and we are not worthy! But He is! And so let us keep our eyes on Jesus - and not on this world, the enemy or the circumstances we encounter!

Jackson update:
Over the last week...the little big man has given us a run for our money, and I am not just talking about in the world of medical bills. He has been extremely fussy - especially when the bottle is just not warming up fast enough for his liking! When the littlest Barrett is hungry...he acts like all the Barrett's! It’s a trademark in the family...you want to see us grumpy - just don't feed us for 6 hours, unless we are sleeping.
Our team of doctors share that this is very normal - that many Cardiac babies, on top of the intense care are extremely irritable. He loves to be held - and at 11 weeks old...he may very well be the most held child I have ever met - and for that our nurses continue to apologize for what they call the "CICU spoiling" effect! But even through the cries and fits...this little man is capturing our hearts! He is truly a miracle and absolutely beautiful!
He has begun to "talk" - coo that is - and enjoys playing with his big brother and sister. He has started reaching for things...including mommy's hair, which is a memory that Kel will hold close over the next several weeks, as we again hand him over to God and our team of surgeons for healing.
His circulation and oxygen levels have become a point of concern as we enter these final weeks before the Glenn Surgery; however the greater concern is the increasing leak in his tricuspid valve (that is the valve between the right ventricle and right atrium.) Last Wednesday, they increased his Captaprol medicine to try and reduce/maintain the leak by strengthening the heart muscle - but this week's echo showed no improvement. Again, they increased the Cap...and will look to the Cath intervention scheduled for this coming Wednesday (March 3) to provide internal insight/evidence to form a strategy for time, repair, or replacement in regards to the tricuspid valve. The valve problem is not a surprise to the team, but one of caution and concern. There is about 2 cups of blood being pumped by the heart - however, in a normal function that volume is shared between the left and right ventricles. With the left ventricle no longer functioning in Jackson's heart...the increased volume, pressure and work load on the right side - may be the cause of the tricuspid valve's leak, but we will only know once we are beyond the Glenn surgery and a portion of the volume the right ventricle is currently pumping is reconfigured to ease the work load. I know many of you are asking as to the details regarding the Glenn surgery and all that is involved, and I will share more details in my next blog, later this weekend...however, please continue to lift Jackson and our team of doctors/nurses up in prayer as we all prepare for this second open heart surgery in the series. It is another reconstructive surgery with the goal of more stable circulation, oxygen levels and functionality of the right side.

Here are some snapshots captured over the last two weeks of the little big man, weighing in at 11lbs 6oz: 

[I can only imagine what these two are up to!]

Prayer Requests:

• Please continue to cover Carter and Jordyn in prayer.  This last month has really taken a toll on them - as their lives have also been rocked.  "Snow days", "snow delays" and being "snowed in" has also been quite the challenge, as constant change in routine has left all of us scrambling for a sense of consistency.  [Yes...spring can't come fast enough!]  Carter had so much energy the other day...we actually put him on the treadmill, where he walked for more than 10 minutes and loved it!  It was hilarious...and great motivation! 
• Please continue to pray over the "re-preparing" process.  This second open-heart [Glenn] surgery is not as evasive as the first [Norwood] surgery - but it is still an extreme life or death procedure, with great risk of fatal complications.  We are very much aware of "the worse" and are preparing through prayer, devotion and conversation - while remaining extremely hopeful for the best!  We know that our God holds Jackson's future - and all of ours - in His hands, and we Trust Him!  He is our Hope and Healer!
• Please continue to pray for miracles and moments that bring Glory to God alone!  Pray for continued opportunities to grow in relationship with those who don't know Christ as Lord and Savior - and that as we walk by faith with Christ through this storm, trial and suffering that they may come to Salvation in relationship with our Heavenly Father!   
• Please continue to pray for physical rest, strength, energy, wisdom, clarity, and discernment as we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus! 

I don't know the winter hurricane you may be facing right now...but He does!  And I encourage you to continue to praise Him in this storm...and run this race with endurance by keeping your eyes on Jesus!  The moment we look at the waves, the wind or the circumstance - we begin to sink!  But just as He was there - immediately - for Peter...He is there for you today, grabbing hold and lifting up with an outstretched arm! 

We love you and thank you again for walking and praying us through this valley of sorrow!  There is a River of Joy - now let us keep our eyes fixed on Him! 

Trust your Spotter...

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

you have broken me—

now let me rejoice.

[Psalm 51: 7-8]

Over the last week, we have had the great opportunity to witness the splendor, majesty and power of God's creation - as He has blanketed us here in the 'burgh with more than two feet of snow! And along with this great covering comes the great frustration of continuous shoveling...or snow blowing, if you are lucky enough to have a snow blower or bought one in preparation of the blizzard, as it is now impossible to find one in any where in the region!   Let's be honest - the snow is beautiful and all...but, man it hinders the way we do life doesn't it!  The limitations and frustrations it has brought on have been intense - for we want to be able to do what we want to do when we want to do it [like that will ever happen again with three kids] without having to shovel through that wet, nasty, heavy, foot of muck the salt truck plowed your drive shut over the night - after spending two hours digging it out before you went to bed!  We want to be able to pass people on the parkway, who don't understand the accelerator is on the right, and that you don't have to pump your breaks when the road is dry!  Or to have the ability to go to the grocery store when you wake up early, and want a bowl of Raisin Bran [yeah right Doug - more like a bowl of CoCo Puffs!] and realize that the milk was finished off miraculously overnight...and now a five year old and two year old are wanting there "ToeToe Puffs" [as Jordyn refers to them]!  And when we go to the store, which is only a mile away - but takes more than 45min because you have to dig out - again! - only to realize when you get to the store there is no milk two days after the storm!  And then...when you think you have a break, you get hammered again with a second storm that starts the frustration of "change" and "limitation" all over again!  Anybody else have cabin fever yet...oh the life lesson of "being still" and "waiting on God" - Douglas!  It is true - we want to do, what we want to do, when we want to do it...and let's be honest...this creation and world gets in the way sometimes doesn't it...

And if you thought I was talking about the blizzard of 2010...I'm not! I am talking about our normal everyday life in this world - which we all face!  Life is not easy!  It is not simple!  It is not perfect!  And the more I read the bible, the more I realize it was never promised to be!  And those of us who know Christ as Lord and Savior...we too struggle with limitations and frustrations and need to get a grip, and continue to come to the realization that this life is not all that some crack it up to be!  There are fierce frustrations - rooted in the depths of disappointment!  There are real limitations opposing our desires!  And there is heart break...that leaves us desperately trying to grab a hold of God's pinky in the wake of the raging storm!  And these words of Max Lucado's Fearless - overwhelmed me this week, as Kel and I dove head first into study, devotion and prayer in this midst of a very difficult 5-day stretch...

Getting on board with Christ, can mean getting soaked with Christ!

And I propose that we change the word from can to will,  because here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows!  In the world you will have tribulation!  In this world you will have trouble!  And this is not my promise...but that of Christ Jesus himself in John 16:33.  He doesn't say that life may have struggles - or might be difficult - or could possibly be rough.  He says it will be...and the question is - how do we embrace this truth!  Do we surrender to this world and live defeated, or surrender before His throne of Grace and live victorious?  Do we grab for control or release the burdens in the disappointments of the broken road?  Are we captured by the sting of this world or the stripes of the Cross?  He never said it would be easy...He just promised it would be worth it! 

Over the last week - we have struggled! I mean deep, soul struggles: Questions without answers!  Emotions without understanding!  Physically, Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually we were tested and tempted!  Ever since I updated the blog last Wednesday we have faced a fierce battle - and at times, we were losing badly!  We were fighting against each other and with each other as we let down our guard - and let our eyes, mind and heart focus on the loss in this siesmos - fierce storm or earthquake - that we are currently walking through by faith.  Our doctors and wise counsel have been encouraging us to keep focused on our marriage - because they have seen earth shattering events like we are facing destroy couples!  And I am not minimizing by any means the tragedy of Haiti when I write this next line...but we are experiencing the wake of our very own 7.0 earthquake right now!  This journey - has had so many tremors, quakes and after shocks...and as we took a glimpse of the devastation "the shaking" has caused in our life this last week - we were crushed.  The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual toll this storm has created - got the best of us as we took a moment to look back - once again realizing that all our dreams, goals and plans that we started out on 7 years ago...are gone!  I mean they are gone and no where to be found!  And I don't know why "this looking back" happened over this last week...we know better, but I believe it is something to do with the fact that we are once again preparing for a life or death surgery - and I can't begin to express how "quiet" it has gotten the further we walk through this Valley.  And not "quiet" in the sense of lack of noise - because there are many conversations, distractions and actions demanding our energy, time and attention - but in the sense of sheer exhaustion from the commotion.  In the sense of questions without answers - and learning to accept and embrace that there may never be answers!  Quiet in the sense of preparation for a test!  In the sense of darkness - yet with a night light!  For as we walk deeper through this Valley of Sorrow...yet again we have a choice - to look in the rearview mirror or drive this race by faith! 

I am not a fan of NASCAR, for I have never really found the passion of watching 500 laps of continuous left turns for three hours...but I love to watch the last 10 laps, if I get the chance!  And the moment that turned this week around for us - literally - was a conversation I had with my wise counsel over coffee [go figure] Thursday morning!  Kelly and I were in the midst of maybe the hardest 5 day stretch since Jackson's birth - and I knew that I needed some outside perspective and wisdom!  And as I sat there with my dear brother in the Lord we found ourselves talking through the moment we realized and received the news of Jackson's fatal heart defect. 

You see we had four choices - all with severe consequences.  The choice of abortion;  the choice of doing nothing;  the choice of preparing for the Norwood series of surgeries;  or the choice of the Fetal Surgery - that would ultimately lead to a time of waiting for more choices!  And as we stood at that life-changing, life-altering, life-defining crossroads...we realized all four choices were forward!  There was no reverse!  No back-up!  No "do-over"!  No "second-chance"!  We had to move forward...and the only choice we didn't have - was to go backwards!  And so we listened and trusted our "Spotter" as we chose by faith!

In NASCAR - there is no rear view mirror.   Heck, there are no mirrors at all on these incredible machines that we call race cars! For that is exactly what they are...they are in a race - and have to be as stream line as possible, with limited distractions and temptations.  And if you were to look in the rearview mirror - for just a split second - at 200 mph...I would venture to say there could quite possibly be some severe consequences!  Most likely...a considerable amount of pain - not only for you, but for those around you...and possibly even death!  

Yes, we still have a rearview mirror that we can look into if we so choose.  And if we do choose to try and drive forward by looking backwards in the race He has set before us - there will be severe consequences!  There is no time to stare into the rear view mirror, and think about "what might have been", but we did this last week...and trust me we felt the consequences of our choice! 

So the question begs to be asked, how then do you maneuver through the race at 200mph without our own control, discernment, knowledge and confidence that mirrors may provide?  What do we do when we find ourselves in a tight spot - with what seems to be no way out!  You listen and trust the man who is sitting high above the stadium - seeing the entire, vast picture of what lies ahead, beside and behind you!  You listen to the voice and trust that the decisions of your spotter are grounded in truth, wisdom, knowledge and discernment beyond your own ability - for life and victory are at stake!  

And so I ask, just as Paul asked me Thursday morning...do you trust your Spotter?  Are you listening to your Spotter?  Do you know your Spotter's voice?  Because there is a lot of noise in the quiet - and you need to sift through the noise!  Because here is what our Spotter promises...in this world you will have trouble, but take heart!  I have overcome the world!  [John 16:33]

For those of us who know Christ as Savior and Lord - our Spotter promises victory!  Our Spotter is Victory!  Our Spotter sees all, knows all and is over all!  And even though it is not a life of comfort or ease - it is worth it!  For He Promises full and abundant life!  And, so I cry out...just as David did after his fall to sin...

Have mercy on me, O God,

because of your unfailing love.

Because of your great compassion,

blot out the stain of my sins.

 Wash me clean from my guilt.

Purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion;

it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;

I have done what is evil in your sight.

You will be proved right in what you say,

and your judgment against me is just.

For I was born a sinner—

yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the womb,

teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

you have broken me—

now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.

Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence,

and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and make me willing to obey you.

Then I will teach your ways to rebels,

and they will return to you...

[Psalm 51: 1-15, NLT]

And so the Lord has unsealed my lips...and I shout His Praise!  Kelly and I have had an incredible morning of prayer, conversation, reflection and decision to move forward again - listening and trusting our Spotter!  And just as Paul wrote in Philippians 3:12-14...[we] press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, [we] have not achieved it, but [we]focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, [we] press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Jackson Update: 

Jackson continues to do "ok".  We have had some good days - and some not so good days!  He is a very "fussy" baby at times - which compounds the stress of not allowing him to get "worked up" or cry.  So keeping him content and comfortable is a very difficult task at times!  He is still not sleeping much through the day...but is finally beginning to enjoy and sleep in his swing - allowing for a much needed break for our arms!  The doctors are very pleased with his progress and share that he is doing "as best as can be expected"!  However - they keep reminding us that even though he looks so good - he is still not out of the woods yet, and not to let our guards down - but to keep doing what we have been doing, whatever that might be!  So we continue to keep vigilant, stay prayerful and prepare for the worse - yet hope for the best! 

Speaking of preparing for the worse...please keep our current time of preparation in your prayers!  As we continue to prepare for yet another - life or death surgery - we know what the worse is...and continue to ask for peace and strength as we look into the face of this possibility!  We know that God is sovereign - and His Will is good, pleasing and perfect - and that Jackson is His perfect Creation!  We know that God is Faithful...but it is still extremely difficult to fully embrace this truth, and only possible through Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in our lives! 

The hospital actually cancelled his weekly appointment this week - due to the snow - which we saw as a great encouragement to the confidence our team of doctors has in us and Jackson's progress!  Plans continue for the Cath intervention to take place March 4th to check the internal pressures of his heart, and the Glenn surgery to follow March 11th.  

He is developing quite the personality!  He has a ton of spunk, energy and amazing strength...and it has been truly awesome to see him develop over the last several weeks!  He loves to show off the smile, and has begun to express himself vocally - including some "coos" every now and then! 

He has a bit of a cold that he got from his big sis [who had her first experience in the "snose" the other day, and caught a little stuffy nose from being outside in the cold] who continues to love on him - with great big kisses!  

Carter continues to set the example...and his faith and prayers are absolutely amazing!  The other day he was the "prayer leader" at the dinner table, where he blessed us with one of the most amazing - heart felt prayers I may have ever heard.  Bubba continues to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally in ways that are just truly amazing.  It is a true blessing to be able to watch our little gentleman grow into a young man of God!  Exciting times right now in his life!  And one final note on Carter - his transition back to school at Eden Christian Academy with Mrs. Koster has been truly awesome!  Please continue to pray for his class - and the entire school, as they head into their annual Spiritual Emphasis week this week, where they will be focusing teaching and activities around the them of: Champions for Christ - running the race with - get this - All Eyes on Jesus!  How awesome is our God!  It truly has become a rally cry across the generations! 

We hope you have a wonderful weekend...and thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement and support!  All Eyes on Jesus! 

[Hope these picture highlights from the week will brighten up your day!]

{Bubba was in Heaven!  We had a blast shoveling and digging tunnels!} 

{Jordyn was amazed!  Pure Joy as she played in the "snoes" for the first time!}

{Jackson just enjoyed the peace and quiet without big brother and sister in the house!}

{Always has his "dukes" up!}

{Eat n Park has nothing on this smile!}

{What do you think...next Lincoln Brewster?}

{And you wonder why it is a struggle to get any work done from home?  This is what knocked on my door this week!}

"I need a bigger box..."

...Then He [Jesus] got into the boat and His disciples followed Him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke Him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"... [Matthew 8:23-27, NIV]

Imagine Christ turning to you - as you are overwhelmed with fear in a moment of great adversity, struggle, or difficulty and He says..."oh you of little faith!" Not the kind of encouragement we might expect- but talk about needing a bigger box! This is exactly where the disciples find themselves early in their relationship with Jesus. They are in the midst of a raging storm, overwhelmed with fear, and the cry out to Jesus! And where was Jesus? Physically, right beside them - asleep! And notice how they cried out to Him...it was not "teacher", "master", "Jesus", "friend" or "brother" - but "Lord".

And the opening word of this scripture gives us a glimpse into why they cried out "Lord, save us!" For the word then signifies a transition. Something just happened...and that something was profound! The disciples just experienced Christ delivering the Sermon on the Mount; His healing of a man with leprosy; His healing [from a distance] the servant of a Roman Officer - because of his faith; His healing of Peter's mother-in-law and those who were demon possessed. But the moment immediately preceding this raging storm was Christ instructing the disciples to get in the boat and cross over the lake to get away from the large crowd that was gathering. I say it again...Christ instructed His disciples to get into the boat, and cross the lake to get away from the crowd! Why...because there was work to be done! And that work is not only in the non-believer! But to those who cry out..."Lord"! A bigger box needed for the believer - for what lies ahead! Remember - he is the author and finisher of our Faith, and many times...we need a bigger box to allow our Lord to grow, shape, and mold our faith - of who He is in our lives! Without faith - it is impossible to please God [Hebrews 11:6] - for faith is the bridge that closes the distance between what we "believe" and what we "experience".

I know it has been awhile since I have written [can't believe it has almost been a month, but for that I am very thankful!] The last three weeks, Christ was expanding - more like blowing out - our box as we continue to dive into His Word and Walk by Faith! Expanding our box in ways that I never thought imaginable as He reveals more and more of Himself - by both revelation, but also reality in His creation! It has been absolutely awesome - I must say - ...and I am so thankful for the time alone with the Word! So many times in the midst of the miracles and ministry, in which He calls us...we run out of fuel. And I shared last time that our sails were tattered by the storm that was raging! And in the moment of crying out "Lord, save us!" He showed up powerfully! He is, was, and forever will be right beside us! And that is not my promise or word - but His! And here is the question that continues to blow up my..."Do I believe IN God?...or do I Believe God?" These two questions are profoundly different! Do I seem Him just as Savior? Or is He Lord of my life? Are my eyes fixed on Heaven and Eternal Life? Or on the relationship I have with Christ? Profoundly different...and over the last three weeks it has been absolutely amazing to receive to His encouragement and truth as the Holy Spirit continues to correct, teach and equip through the Word - as He promised in 2 Timothy 3! And can I just share how excited we are for what He has in store...but we will continue to wait in His timing and rest!

So...I am sure you are wondering? How is the little man...

Well...at yesterday's weekly hospital visit with our Cardio Thoracic Team at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh - Jackson received a wonderful report! He is doing great! He truly is beautiful - and I can't begin to share how amazing it is to hold God's miracle in our arms everyday! Our team of nurses and doctors continue to provide incredible care - and continue to love on Jackson (and our family) in ways I have never seen inside the medical world - but their incredible care of holding Jackson throughout the day for the first month of his life in the CICU and Cardiac floor - has become a bit of nightmare at home over the last month. He is not sleeping much through out the day, and only wants to be held! Our arms (Kelly's more so than mine) are getting quite the work out...but the miracle of life is so worth the exhaustion of the holding!

Jackson is now weighing in at 10lbs 5oz! It took awhile for the little man to figure out the whole "eating" aspect of life, but once he did - boy does he ever love to eat! He is taking anywhere from 2.5 to 4oz every two to three hours during the day, and is going down at night - in his crib (Praise the Lord!) - anywhere from 8 to 10pm and then sleeping for an extended time until 2 or 3am for a mid-night feeding, waking again around 5 or 6am for an early morning feed. It took Kel and I a few weeks to adjust to his schedule - but once we transitioned, things have gone really well! Kel takes the mid-night feeding, and I have been taking the early morning feeding - which I have to share has been a real blessing! It has been so awesome to have some quiet time with the little man, and there have been many tearful mornings as I am overwhelmed with the joy of our Lord in His precious miracle and promise of full and abundant life! Jackson has amazing eyes...and one heck of grin...that just captures your heart and reminds you of how precious life truly is! It is so awesome...and many mornings I just find myself caught up in the "wonder" of our Heavenly Father as I hold His miracle and creation!

Kel is great! She is absolutely amazing! Her faith and strength overwhelm me! She has been through so much over the last 9 months, and continues to stand strong and hold firm to the promises of our Lord and Savior! Even in the moments of exhaustion, pain, frustration, disappointment and weariness...Kel continues to demonstrate and express the Seriously Ridiculous Love of Christ through the ways she supports and lays the foundation for Carter, Jordyn, Jackson and myself! She truly is a rock...and continues to run with great endurance this race the Lord has set before us!

And speaking of Carter and Jordyn...you want to talk about amazing! Jordyn continues to skip through the house singing "Oh no! You never let dough...Lord you never let dough of me!" It is absolutely hilarious - wish you could hear her! She truly has a passion for life - along with herself right now as a 2yr old! She continues to be mommy's little helper in taking care of Baby Jack Jack - as she affectionately refers to him!

And Carter...unbelievable! He continues to demonstrate compassion in ways that shock and awe us! He is an absolutely incredible big brother to both Jordyn and Jackson! And one of the most incredible moments of the past three weeks was this past weekend, when Carter and I had the opportunity to spend the weekend together just the two of us - as I was preaching/speaking at a youth conference/retreat. It was the first "ministry trip" that Carter has joined me on...and it was absolutely awesome! We had some very special moments...and God is stirring in Carter's heart in some very deep ways! Carter is asking some very profound questions, like this one he hit us with last week on our way home from Jackson's appointment at Children's Hospital..."Daddy, do bad people believe in Jesus?" Tough question...and one that is/will shape his theology/perspective at a very young age. And so after a few moments of prayer and thought here was my response..."Bubba, there is a difference between believing and obeying. Bad people do not obey Jesus, but I know many people who have done some very bad things that now believe in Jesus." And with out hesitation...Carter jumps in and says "and now they have new life?"
"Exactly!"
What an amazing understanding and great insight for a 5 year old! It is an awesome blessing to see How God is moving in and through Carter! He is so inquisitive right now...and is asking some extremely deep questions! Definitely an exciting time...

I trust that the Holy Spirit continues to lead you in your prayers, and thank you for your continued support, encouragement, and provision your prayers provide! Kel and I have always believed in the power of prayer - but now are experiencing the promise of prayer in unimaginable ways! I don't know how people unite, and walk through storms together without faith through the power and promise of prayer! Keep wearing those knees out, and continue to fix your eyes on Jesus!

We love you...and thank you again for running this race with us!

All Eyes on Jesus...


Specific Prayer Requests:

• Preparations for Jackson's Glenn surgery (the 2nd open heart surgery of the 3) - which is currently scheduled for March 11.  [Details to follow...]
• Focus and discipline in our "new norm"
• Rest, Strength and Energy
• Wisdom and discernment as we continue to seek the Lord's Will. 
• Opportunities to share God's story through Jackson's life...speaking of which - Jackson made his media debut yesterday!  He was highlighted briefly in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette as his fetal surgeon, Dr. Emery of Magee Women's FDTC program, was interviewed last week.  Here is a link to the full article:  http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10034/1032910-114.stm?cmpid=news.xml