I cry out to God; yes, I shout.
Oh, that God would listen to me!
When I was in deep trouble,
I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
but my soul was not comforted.
I think of God, and I moan,
overwhelmed with longing for his help.
{Interlude/Selah/Pause...Shift Perspective!}
You don’t let me sleep.
I am too distressed even to pray!
I think of the good old days,
long since ended,
when my nights were filled with joyful songs.
I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
Has the Lord rejected me forever?
Will He never again be kind to me?
Is his unfailing love gone forever?
Have his promises permanently failed?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
{Interlude/Selah/Pause...Shift Perspective!}
And I said, “This is my fate;
the Most High has turned his hand against me.”
But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds [of now] and of long ago,
They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.
O God, your ways are holy.
Is there any god as mighty as you?
You are the God of great wonders!
You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.
By your strong arm, you redeemed your people...
{Interlude/Selah/Pause...Shift Perspective!}
When the Red Sea saw you, O God,
its waters looked and trembled!
The sea quaked to its very depths.
The clouds poured down rain;
the thunder rumbled in the sky.
Your arrows of lightning flashed.
Your thunder roared from the whirlwind;
the lightning lit up the world!
The earth trembled and shook.
Your road led through the sea,
your pathway through the mighty waters—
a pathway no one knew was there!
You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep,
with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds.
[Psalm 77, NLT]
Did you catch it? Did you catch the shift? The change in perspective from that of circumstance, struggle, and despair to confidence, trust, and hope? "BUT THEN"...
I remember what you have done!
I remember your wonderful deeds, mighty works, and great wonders!
Your ways are Holy!
And I fix my thoughts and perspective on Redemption!
For His pathway was a pathway that no one knew was even there! Who is that Pathway? Christ Jesus alone! He is the Way, the Truth and Life! And in His Gentle Whisper on the Cross..."it is done"...Redemption was, is and forever will be complete! Redemption is here! Redemption is reality; if we believe in our hearts that Jesus is Lord, and confess with our mouths that God raised Him from the dead...we will be saved! [Romans 10:9]
And it is on this Promise...that we continue to fix our eyes on Jesus and walk by faith through this valley of sorrow to Rivers of Joy! Yes - we continue to cry out! Yes - we continue to pray with hands lifted high! And we are overwhelmed with a longing for His help, rescue, refuge, grace, mercy and love! However - there is Great Joy, Strength and Peace when we shift our perspective from that of circumstance to confidence! He is Holy...and there is no other god like our God!
The last two weeks have been incredible! Absolutely amazing! Full of healing, growth, insight, wisdom and peace through the struggle! Yes, we continue to struggle! We are human...and no where near perfect! The struggle is real, the adversity intense and the change...it is overwhelming at times! BUT THEN...He is Who He says He is, and can do what He says He can do!
The hardest embrace over the last two weeks...has been the realization of the fact that there is no "closure" in this journey! Yes, our long-suffering and grieving of lifestyle, dreams, and health for Jackson continues - and only God knows when it will end...but we focus our eyes on the Cross, and embrace His promise of full and abundant life! Let's be honest...when Christ said "it is finished" He did not mean that our lives would be smooth sailing! The Christian Life is NOT a cruise liner docked in the harbor...it is a fishing boat in a stormy sea! The battle, warfare and struggle are real because the last thing the enemy wants is for us to be in the game! He will defend us...but only through deception or false evidence appearing real! That would be f.e.a.r. yall! Don't forget - it was Christ that taught us in John 16:33 - that in this world we will have trouble...but take heart, and place our hope, trust and faith in His Promise that He has overcome this world! For in this very promise...there is peace, hope and the power to walk by faith through the Valley of sorrow, uncertainty and struggle to Rivers of Joy!
Update: The miracle of rolling over the first time - never loses its joy! And this week, as Jackson rolled over from his stomach to his back for the very first time, we were/are so excited! On the outside...you would never know that our little warrior has half a heart, had 2 open-heart surgeries, 2 Cardiac Caths and been under general anesthesia 5 times in 4months! He is absolutely beautiful - and huge! The little man just moved up to size 3 diapers, and is weighing more than 15lbs!
On the inside...we don't know how Jackson is doing. We don't know what is happening with the leak in the tricuspid valve? Or how his heart is adjusting to the new dosage of lasik. We don't know what the prognosis is or will be...all we get to do is "Be still and know that He is God!" [Psalm 46:10]
And so we wait...again...in uncertainty...wrapped in peace! Jackson's monthly echo/EKG is scheduled for April 29th, where we will continue to monitor the leak and prepare for his third open-heart surgery in about a year and a half. And then after that surgery...we will again wait in uncertainty as to how his right ventricle will hold up! But waiting in uncertainty...is not being paralyzed by the unknown! Waiting...is being prepared, ready, mobile, and agile to step in to the moments and places God calls us! Waiting is not sitting around twiddling our thumbs...there are relationships to engage, hearts to encourage, and communities to equip...but all in His timing!
Jackson is an amazing testament to God's faithfulness, majesty, healing, love and mercy - and truly he is doing great! He continues to struggle - and share his emotions vocally and tearfully - with the adjustment in his schedule, and sleeping habits. He is still very fussy at times and learning that he loves to cry, but the belly laugh that he is developing is awesome! I wish I could capture a sound bite of Jackson laughing at Carter! It is the coolest thing...and brings the whole house in to laughter instantly! The relationship and brotherhood between Carter and Jackson is truly awesome! But then again, why should any of us be amazed...Carter has been covering his baby brother in prayer for years! The other night - Kelly, Carter and Jackson were snuggled up watching TV...and Carter leaned over and got right in Jackson's face, nose to nose. He then turned to Kelly and said, "Mommy, I like how Jesus decided to make Jackson's face!" How awesome is that y'all!
{Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful...Beautiful boys!}
And then there is our little "princess" running around with her hand on her hip and attitude, passionately pouring out of her! Oh, don't get me wrong...Jordyn is a blast! But exhausting! Our little princess is wired 220 - and has energy to burn! She is growing up so quick - and is becoming quite the big helper! We actually started potty training her this week, and she has only had one accident in two days! She is sleeping a little better, and has transitioned off of our bedroom floor, and into her bed - Praise God! She is still waking up in the middle of the night scared (not sure if it is night terrors, bad dreams or just a high need of security), but it is all good...and hopefully this too will pass very soon!
{The bike helmet was a huge hit Easter morning...but do you think she would take it off to eat?}
Kel...is incredible! She is doing well, and continues to work through the adversity and struggle! She has been very focused at establishing a foundation, consistency, and routine in the "new normal" of our family. "Boot Camp" continues - as we train, prepare and equip ourselves in the wake of this past year's journey. It has taken quite a toll on us in all aspects of life! It has been a challenge...but she continues to amaze me in her faith, love, care, compassion and commitment to press on! She is a warrior...and yes, that is where Jackson gets it from!
God truly has blessed this broken road...the waiting has been intense...the preparation incredible...and the healing - beyond words, and not just in Jackson's life!
When our circumstances overwhelm us...pause...and shift perspective on the confident assurance we have in the One who overcomes! And as we continue to fix our eyes on Jesus...let us fix our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Overcome the overwhelming by thinking about things that are excellent and worthy of praise! [Philippians 4:8]
Thank you for the continued prayers, encouragement and love! Greater things are yet to come, Greater things are still to be done!
All Eyes on Jesus!
Here are some picture highlights of the last two weeks:
{Somebody say NFL Draft? Pick me!}
{The big, little man loves being outside!}
{"Check this out dad!"}
{I told you he is learning that he loves to cry!}
{Studly!}
{Now - this is trouble!}
And just in case you missed our story being shared last Saturday morning on WORD FM during the "Let's Talk with Stacy and Hutch" show...here is a link were you can listen in. My conversation/interview with Stacy and Hutch starts about 45min into the second segment (Part B) and then the first half hour of the third segment (Part C). Thank you for all of you who prayed over and through this conversation! I had never done radio before...and I had a blast!
