Land of Rest...

[The Lord said]..."I will bring them home to this land that I gave..."  [Jeremiah 30:3a, NLT]

The Gaither Homecomings, have nothing on the last four days of the Barrett Homecoming! Talk about pure joy...
While Jordyn and Jackson took a nap on Sunday afternoon, and Carter snuggled up on the couch for his daily Christmas tradition of "Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas" movie – Kelly and I had the opportunity to grab a few minutes of quiet, devotion and conversation over our weekend of "biblical rest"!  As we reflected over the past weekend, and what the Lord has taught us in this land, we "prayer talked" through the above scripture...and the following question was laid on our hearts as we read the Lord's promise above...what land is the Lord referring to here? And as we studied together...there is a earthbound reality, but also a Heavenly reference of our Glorious Future, Promise and Hope found in our relationship with Christ! 

As I shared on my last post - throughout the day Thursday the Lord laid on my heart His monologue and charge to Joshua days before leading the Israelites through the Jordan River to the Land of Promise! The Land overflowing with milk and honey - that was also inhabited by Giants! The same Giants that captured the attention, focus and worry of their ancestors…which led to 40 years of wondering in the desert as a generation died...a river's view away from the land of favor, blessing, and provision! And you guessed it...the land that is referenced above in Jeremiah 30:3, is the same land that the Lord promised to Moses as he led the Israelites out of Egypt! And as we went back to the scripture...we were amazed at the words, encouragement and Truth foud in Joshua's charge to the warriors of Israel - immediately following God's "be strong and courageous" pre-battle speech:

...Then Joshua called together the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh. He told them, “Remember what Moses, the servant of the Lord, commanded you: ‘The Lord your God is giving you a place of rest. He has given you this land.’... [Joshua 1: 12]

I don’t know about you, but I find it absolutely fascinating that the Lord our God gives us a place of rest smack dab in the middle of adversity, difficulty, battle and Giants. His Promise is divine rest in Him...IF we are willing to embrace this land - by Faith -and walk the journey according to His good, pleasing and perfect Will! Often times our own dreams, expecations, control, physical wants and selfish desires get in the way of true rest that is found only in Christ, as we are confronted by and turn to the deception of worldly schemes in desperatation for our tired and weary souls!  But true rest, comfort and security are found in the intamacy of our relationship with Christ - which is a lesson that Kel and I continue to learn...

7 years ago - in the midst of our "I do's" - Kelly and I made a "we do" covenant before the Lord that in and through our marriage this house will serve the Lord - and even though our "agent" (sarcasm) did not mention the details of this particular part of the journey in our contract - we embrace and find rest in this land that is overflowing with blessing, miracles and favor of our Lord Jesus! We will continue to praise our Heavenly Father as we walk by Faith in obedience to God's Will through this land of adversity, hardship, and massive giants that still inhabit this land of promise! Especially now that Jackson is home!

Are there situations that can create hesitation and fear? You better believe it! But the "overwhelming feeling" comes only when our eyes are on the circumstances of the journey, land, appointments and hurdles and not our Savior! Trust me - we are no where near perfect in keeping our eyes on Jesus - and please don't think that the rally cry of "All Eyes on Jesus" is just for those reading this blog! It is for the knucklehead writing this blog as well! We are getting ready for battle as we come home to this land - through the power of prayer and with the promise of His Peace and Strength...and so we will live victoriously, as we find divine rest in our relationship with Christ Jesus!


Day 19: "Road Trip"
After a morning of final preparations at home by Carter, Jordyn and Daddy...it was time for Daddy to head to the hospital and pick up Mommy and Jackson! As I walked onto the 8th floor...huge smiles greeted me - as there was quite the buzz, hype and joy filling the unit as many stood in disbelief that Jackson was heading home - only 10 days - after his Norwood Surgery! We came to find out, that Jackson indeed was the fastest Norwood recovery in Pittsburgh Children's Hospital, and the only "closed chest" Norwood patient that many of our team of doctors and nurses have ever seen or heard of coming out of the surgery! And looking back at the pictures from just 10 days ago - I can't believe that we are bringing our little, miracle warrior home today!  Our God is Almighty and Everlasting! 
After a few last minute discharge instructions, and three trips to the car with "stuff" (could have used a pack mule!) it was time for the "good-bye's" - or more like "see you soon's"! But...as we went to unplug Jackson's pulse/oxygen monitor - we found out that his unit did not have a back up battery that was working properly!  Come on man! So with the car packed, coats on, Jackson ready in his carrier - it was time to "wait!" - been here before…as Kelly and I just saw it as another reminder that the Lord was with us!

In the hour we had to wait for a new machine - Jackson had the opportunity to say good-bye to some of his nurses from the CICU, and get some "snuggle time" with Dana and Joanne (two members of Jackson's cardiothoracic, surgical team with Dr. Morell - before the longest walk of our lives!

What took 5 minutes to go down the elevators, pay for parking (again) and walk to the car - seemed like eternity...especially with the scare Jackson gave daddy in the lobby! As I carried him in his carrier...I looked down and he was ghost white! And when I went to wake him...I could not get him to respond!

Jackson has done this from time to time in the hospital, as his saturations drop - but once you are able to stir him, he is able to rebound his oxygen levels - but you never get use to it and it just truly freaks me out! But of course - mommy stayed extremely calm, and shared a little "encouragement" (you might call it) with daddy that freaking out is not going to help anyone in this transition home! See...told you I wasn't perfect! And man did the Holy Spirit ever speak through Kelly during this 2 minute encouragement session..."Doug, you have the choice! Lead courageously or cause more anxiety, worry, and fear for your family!" And after a quick moment of prayer and a deep breath...it was time to step up and enter the promised land!

It was a long car ride home - with Jackson's alarms going off most of the way, due to setting the limits wrong in the rush of discharge, but once we got home around 4:30...an overwhelming sense of unity and peace swept through our home! Finally - the five of us were together – as the Lord had promised!

Carter...has been absolutely amazing! He was so excited to be "a big brother again" - as he put it - and to see his love for his little brother is just awesome! From holding Jackson, playing with him, helping with his bottles, pacifier, and sweeties (a sugar water solution that the nurses in the CICU put on Jackson’s pacifier to help calm him) it is just incredible to see the care and compassion that Bubba has for Jackson!

And as for Jordyn...she has been absolutely hilarious!  Every time Kelly goes to check Jackson with the stethoscope, Jordyn runs to her toy medical bag, pulls out her stethoscope and starts checking his knee! Every time Jackson cries...she wants to hold "momy's baby", and at the first diaper change...Jordyn ran and grabbed her step-stool from the bathroom and was right beside mommy for his first "poo-poo" at home! Every now and then (most times completely out of the blue) Jordyn will walk over and give him a kiss on his forehead with a little "luv-oo" to go with it!

And after tucking Carter and Jordyn into bed...it was time to try and grab some sleep in between feedings…but that hope did not become a reality! Every time Jackson would start to stir/cry - Jordyn (who is an extremely light sleeper) would wake and want to see "baby"! We may have gotten a total of 3 hours sleep, and at 4:30am - Jordyn and Jackson were in bed with Kel and I as we desperately tried to grab an hour of sleep before Jackson’s next feeding! It was a rough night ya’ll...but better days are yet to come, right!

Jackson update: It was a rough transition home for the little man, who spent the majority of the night in mommy's arms, and slept on daddy's chest through out the night. The stress level goes through the roof every time his pulse/ox monitor alarm goes off - but I am sure that we will get use to the new sounds in this land. His feedings are long - as he is currently taking about 30ml via a bottle in 10-15 minutes, and then is exhausted and falls asleep, forcing us to give the remaining 35-40ml through the feeding tube over the next 15-20 minutes. As we unpacked the supplies from the hospital our kitchen was transformed into a pharmacy with all the different syringes, meds and supplies. It is crazy - and his daily medicine schedule is intense and is going to take some getting use to! But God is good...and it was an awesome early Christmas present to have him home today! Thank you Lord for your incredible joy, favor, blessing and healing in Jackson's life and upon our family!



Day 20: "First 'nose'"

As Kelly, Jackson, Jordyn and I woke at 6:00am for an early morning feeding...Jordyn shouts, "daddy!" and then proceeds to point out the window..."nose!" In two year old lingo, that is in reference to the 4inches of fresh snow that we awoke to this morning here in the 'burgh! It was an absolutely beautiful and pristine morning...and Carter woke up so excited for "Jackson's first snow!" There is nothing better than watching the awe and wonder that fills a child's eyes, following the first snow of the season!

So after breakfast and 6 cups of coffee...daddy ventured out to shovel the steps quick in preparation for Jackson's home nurse to visit. Little did I know that daddy was also going to need a nurse! After getting my winter gear on and shovel in hand...the garage door went up, and daddy went down! There is a little rain edge/step where the garage door meets the driveway and daddy (still learning the new house) literally hit the ground on the first step and blew his left ankle out! Not a good start to the weekend...but I could here my God say "I told you to just rest, focus on Kel and the kids, and get your feet up this weekend!" And so that is exactly what Kelly and I did for the rest of the weekend!

Today was a great pajama day - full of laughs, food, games, and great "Norman Rockwell" moments like the one captured below as we capped off a wonderful day with Carter's request of an "inside campfire" - as we try to figure out the “new normal” and routine as a family!

Jackson update: Jackson was a rock-star today! He did so well! We figured out a feeding and med schedule that worked perfectly - today! Jackson continues to take 30-35ml by bottle and then the remaining 25-30ml are given through the feeding tube, and he pretty much slept in between feedings, which are occur every three hours. When he is awake - he is extremely alert and loves to watch Carter and Jordyn play! The interaction between these three is amazing - and Jordyn is growing up right in front of our eyes! It is awesome! Carter continues to show tremendous compassion and care, and is blowing us away by the responsibility he has embraced as big brother.


Day 21: "Sabbath"
Then Jesus said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." [Mark 2:27]

Today was truly a day of divine rest! Kelly and I continue to be overwhelmed with God's Peace and Strength, focusing on faithfully learning the new routine of a day in the life of the Barrett's, as everything has been shaken! There is not one element that is even remotely similar to last week, and we have definitely transitioned from man to man defense to a zone blitz concept! We are outnumbered...no doubt - but loving every minute of it!

We had some great conversations and quiet moments today - as I referenced in the opening – which were a true blessing to our marriage, family and relationship! It was another day of "jammies" at Jordyn's request...and capped off a phenomenal weekend!

Jackson update: Well it finally happened...he took a full bottle by mouth! It happened this afternoon at his 3pm feeding - all 65ml of fortified breast milk by mouth! Hallelujah! It was huge step and moment - and he continued to take full bottles throughout the night. We did not have to use the feeding tube at all...which is such a blessing! We are so excited and look forward - if this continues – to when they allow us to take out the feeding tube!


Day 22: Well...
It's Monday! After sleeping in an extra half hour this morning - which turned out to be a huge mistake - as we were off schedule from the start!  And man did we ever pay the price! It was a morning of playing catch up, desperately trying to get back on track - and we just never did! For whatever reason...things just did not click today! It was tough...

Kailey, our nanny who has been a tremendous blessing, arrived around 9am to help get Carter and Jordyn ready for their play date this morning at our neighbor/good friend Jenn's house. Kelly, Carter and Jordyn had a great time with some other mothers and kids in the neighborhood playing, reading Christmas story books and making reindeer food for when Santa visits this Thursday night! So…Kailey just hung out with Jackson, and cleaned a little, allowing me to grab some much needed office time, as I am trying to catch up on some calls and dig out from taking time off over the last two weeks. Jackson's home nurse (who will come to the house every Monday and Friday for an hour to track his progress) arrived early – which just added another wrinkle to the morning! Here we go…

After a morning of intense activity for Jackson - he was irritated and threw up his noon feeding...and by this point, you could really feel that the wheels were coming off this train! Jordyn did not want to nap, and may have slept for an hour - if that! Carter was wanting/requiring some extra attention, and then the phone rang...

It was Erin from the Children's Hospital Cardiothoracic team, who a concerned about the report from our home nurse, Winonna – Jordyn calls her “Miss Nona” - that Jackson has not gained any weight since discharge Friday – actually he has lost a few ounces, which is a huge deal for a heart baby as we are finding out. We were fortifying Kelly's milk with 1/4 teaspoon of Good Start formula (to add some calories) and an adjustment to his caloric intake was necessary – immediately! Through out a series of conversations and reporting – we found out that we were to be adding 1/4 tablespoon not a teaspoon per every 65ml…oops! Somewhere/somehow in the hustle and bustle of discharge and the massive overload of information and instruction - a mistake had been made, but Praise the Lord we found the root cause of Jackson's weight loss.

So we increased the amount of formula fortifier to a 1/4 tablespoon (which is three times more than what we were giving him) – and almost instantly Jackson became extremely fussy and gassy – after being very calm all of Saturday and Sunday! Every time there seems is a change in his diet, the transition is extremely difficult for him. As a heart baby - Jackson burns many calories just by eating, and there is a very delicate and difficult balance of intake of calories vs. calories spent to get them, and one that is extremely necessary.

The remainder of the day was spent trying to comfort and console Jackson as he struggled with every feeding, becoming more and more irritated, gassy, and fussy – which led to vomiting from the new fortification recipe! He did not sleep at all through the evening, was absolutely exhausted and fussy, and could just not get comfortable enough to sleep for an extended period of time, and so we resorted to once again allowing him to sleep on daddy's chest! Truly I did not mind…but it did not make for a good night’s sleep for anyone!

It was extremely rough...and a very overwhelming day! But – God’s Grace got us through a day full of difficult and stressful moments, and we hold firm to the promise that greater things are yet to come!   God never said it would be easy, just promised it would be worth it!


Day 23: "Necessary Adjustments"
After an awful night’s sleep...Kel and I woke up together for Jackson's 6am feeding, in hopes to starting today off on the right foot! The only stretch of consistent sleep either one of us got was between midnight and 3am - as Jackson threw up following his 9pm and 3am feedings! Both of us were exhausted...and as we had breakfast together, we looked at each other and said "I think there are some necessary adjustments we need to make!" His 6am feeding was again one that caused him great discomfort - and his crying/fussiness woke Jordyn at 6:45am...which was not the adjustment we were hoping for! It took us all morning to just get out the door for our 10am pediatrician appointment - and already felt like we put in a full day! On our way to the pediatrician appointment, we decided it was time to again contact the team at Children's and try another adjustment to his feeds! They agreed - and so this afternoon we are trying a new recipe, with a change in formulas. Jackson has calmed tremendously and has spent most of the afternoon sleeping, and we hope that this is the adjustment that will allow our little warrior to gain weight, while being comfortable!

His pediatrician appointment went well (minus Jackson crying through the majority of the visit) and Dr. Kinicki was absolutely amazed at how well he looked following his Norwood surgery, just two weeks ago today! It was awesome to get her medical - out side – perspective, as even she was shocked and amazed at how well he has recovered! He truly is a miracle baby...and God is demonstrating His power and healing in mighty ways!

Truly - we are battling right now, no doubt about it...and as the fatigue of the walk in this land will continue to be an elment of the good fight, we must remain armored with the Truth, Rest, Love, Faith, Peace, Hope and Strength of our Savior - Christ Jesus! Our prayer is that He would continue to draw us closer to Him - giving us the desires of our heart as we try to embrace this land. We know that we are only able to reflect His Glory and Image as walk we surrender, live by Faith and take possession of this promised land! There is divine rest in Him, as we trust His Ways over ours and obey His Will, but the battle is intense and the challenge mighty!  But Faith - our small mustard seed faith - can and will overcome these mountains!  iThis land is far better than anything our selfish desires could ever imagine - and we are not going back to Egypt! Stand on His promises...and thank you for walking with us! 

Continue to keep All Eyes on Jesus!