Is there a passage of scripture that has captured your heart and continuously speaks to the depth of your soul? If I had to pick just one it would be the words of our God to Joshua found here in Joshua chapter one. God prepared Joshua to lead - courageously - a nation in and through the impossible to recieve the promise, by speaking direct words of encouragement, revelation, and truth! But like never before...this scripture has gripped my heart over the last three days, and challenged me in ways that the Holy Spirit is still revealing...buckle up, it is going to be an awesome ride!
Do you remember standing in line for what seemed like forever to board your favorite thrill ride? As the hot summer sun beat down on you...you envisioned what the roller coaster, bungee/base jump, skydiving trip, or another unfathomable ride would be like - only to be blown away and speechless as you walked away! And the people in line...do remember them? How they would put their gum under the railings, talk about the strangest of things, laugh at the stupidest of things, "love" on each other, scribble graffiti and love (and not so lovely) notes on anything that would hold ink. Do you remember your gut beginning to stir as you would get closer and closer for the opportunity to board the ride, and then it is time to buckle up that the 5-point safety harness! Followed by the double check, the push of that little green button, the crazy hand gestures between the safety/ride attendants...and then finally the jump, push off, start, or "delivery"...but don’t forget about the reactions! How intense and how diverse...from screams to laughs! From tears to smiles! From ghost-white faces to expressions of pure joy!
I have always said that I can't wait to get to heaven to see God's roller coasters! His "thrill ride" journeys here on earth are something - but can you imagine the twists, turns, inclines, declines, loops, corkscrews, gravity defying drops, and g-forces that Heaven's amusement park will offer! It's going to be something...and I can't wait to ride in and for eternity!
Well...over the last 6 months we have been standing in line! We have met and formed some awesome relationships with some amazing people (friends and strangers) during our "forever" wait! And Praise the Lord that we didn't feel the need to encourage them to "get a room"... but the people who have stood with and beside us during our time of "waiting on the promise" have truly changed our posture and perspective on community, friendship and the Body of Christ! And God's demonstration and expression of His Grace, Love, Encouragement, Support, Provision and Mercy through you all...has been seriously ridiculous!
The wait was intense - no doubt! And how our stomachs started to stir with anxiety as the pressure of the commencement moment grew closer...reminds me of our blind date, the second date two weeks later, our first kiss, our engagement under the stars at Whitehall Camp and Conference Center, our wedding day (which, we will be celebrating 7 years of marriage on the 28th - and what incredible memories and blessings those 7 years have held! Thank you Lord for an awesome wife, marriage and family!) the birth of Carter and Jordyn...and as we took our seat and buckled in for "Jackson" I am not sure anything could have ever prepared us for the way that God has "thrilled", shocked and awed us all in the last 20 days! He truly has moved mountains and performed miraculous healing...and now...is calling us to be strong and courageous, to get ready, and walk in and through the promise – right now!
Day 16: "Moving on up..." [Tuesday, December 15, 2009]
After a day of rest and preparation in the CICU, it was time to move on up to the 8th floor! It was an incredible morning...as Kelly and I were able to get in to the hospital early, prepare, and take a deep breath – heck, I was even able to catch up on some work/paperwork/contacts...but then the word came! It was time to go!
To be honest with you...I balked! There was such a rush of emotion and anxiety as we walked out of the CICU - Jackson in my arms, our nurse Lauren pulling his crib/bed and Kelly saying good-bye to all of those who have become great friends over the last two weeks! It was hard...and to be honest - I really did not want to leave our place of security, blessing, refuge, comfort, care, incredible favor and glorious miracles! But it was time to go...and the Lord said “get up and let’s go”!
And as we walked onto the 8th floor, we were greeted with smiles and excitement - but we were anything but smiling! We were so nervous, overwhelmed, scared to death...because we now know that we are that much closer to coming home! Again - we expected to be in the CICU for at least 3 weeks with a remote possibility of going home Christmas Eve or Day - and here we are a week after surgery stepping down to the Cardiac Unit to prepare for discharge! Are you kidding me...
But after several conversations with our lead PA-C, Erin and absolutely, awesome nurse Jaci (who had taken care of Jackson more than anyone in the CICU and "just happened" to be on the 8th floor this week! Talk about God sending His angels to minister to those in need!) mommy and daddy settled in...rearranged the room, as only two first borns would do...and then stepped up! We knew it was now time for us to learn Jackson's care, and it was great to get more "hands on" with Jackson - but it was tough to leave our "comfort zone" with the constant watch of a nurse “crib side” in the CI. But we were excited and ready...after a little pep talk from Jaci!
Jackson was extremely fussy, gassy, and uncomfortable through out the day and the biggest hurdle to conquer/learn is going to be his feeding tube - which had to be put back in to ensure that he receives the calories necessary to maintain and gain weight. The goal is for him to take 3oz of fortified, breast milk every 3 hours! It is an intense diet...and one that I believe is preparing him to be an offensive lineman! But, other than his feeds/feeding tube - our focus is now to learn how use the equipment we will be coming home with (monitors, etc.), the schedule/dose of his daily 5 medicines and the care he will need daily. It truly is just a transitional time...and it all depends on Jackson as to when we will be coming home! So…look out world here he comes!
Day 17: "Right Now!"
Today was truly just a day of learning – on so many levels! After a quick visit this morning...daddy had to juggle the "work" ball all day today! After an awesome lunch conversation and some overdue phone calls, I headed back to the house late in the afternoon to spend some time with Carter and Jordyn, before the three of us went to the hospital to pick up Kel!
Kelly and Jackson had a great day at the hospital together – and he seems to have rebounded very well after a rough day yesterday - and seems to be adjusting to his new schedule, room, feeds, and meds! Mommy is gaining confidence in her care and support of Jackson - and I could just hear a "lift" in her voice as we talked around 4pm...but I will never forget the tone in her voice of our next conversation!
I loaded Carter and Jordyn up in the car around 5pm to head to the hospital and pick up Kel. We could not have been a mile from the house when Kelly called. When I answered, all she said was..."are you sitting down?"
"Well, of course I am - I am driving!" I replied.
"Are you at a stop light?"
"No..."
"You might want to find one!"
By this time...she obviously had my attention! "Kelly, what's going on...is everything alright?"
And here are the words I will never forget: "Doug...everything is great! And they just told me that they want to discharge Jackson, Friday!"
My reaction..."WOW!" Then pure silence for two minutes! I had no words...
And then went into panic mode!
"What do mean? How can this be? We just got to the floor yesterday. I am not ready for this? We have no one to take care of Carter and Jordyn?" and so on...
It was almost like I said to God..."This is incredible! What an awesome miracle - but no thanks!"
Sound familiar? It would if you were to read the response of the Israelites, after hearing the reports from the scouts of the Promised Land - that just happened to be full of giants!
But after an hour long "come to Jesus meeting" in prayer/devotion, convesations with my wise counsel, and breakfast for dinner with Carter and Jordyn at Eat'n Park...my response was different, "Lord, I am not ready for this! But I know you are calling me to be strong and courageous, and that you are right here with us! You know the giants ahead – but in You…all things are possible!"
Ya’ll I am scared to death! I don't feel as though I am ready...but God is Great! And He is the one in control! He will provide! And I will "play this play", and not worry about the next! Trusting that in Him - all things are possible...for He is our Strength, Refuge and Peace!
Day 18: "Med School!"
But...just as our Lord told Joshua before crossing the Jordan...it is time to not only be strong and courageous for I am with you every step of the way, but "get prepared! Get the camp ready!"
So today was a crash course at “med school”! I spent the morning learning the meds, how to use a real stethoscope, the feeding tube and the care necessary to bring Jackson home! And guess who taught me...Kelly! You should have seen her! It was amazing! She is an absolutely incredible mother...but who is this woman that is teaching me all these incredible medical skills and knowledge! It was seriously ridiculous to see her touch, courage and love for our little warrior…and to see her confidence, care and skill prepared me in ways I never thought possible! She is absolutely amazing…and we are ready!
So TOMORROW...Friday, December 18 - just 10 days after Jackson's Norwood Surgery...we are bringing our little warrior home! Can you believe it? How awesome is our God! Praise His Name for He alone is Worthy of our Praise!
But, in all the excitment and thrill - our team of doctor's sat us down yesterday and reminded us that Jackson is still very sick and has a long road ahead! There are many precautions being put into place (learning CPR, contacting our emergency responders, etc) in order to make sure that "going home" is a safe and healthy transition for Jackson! And I would ask for your continued prayers...not just for Jackson and our immediate family, but for all involved - family, friends, nurses and doctors!
It was very hard to hear the doctors ask us NOT to attend Christmas Eve Services, holiday get-togethers with friends and family, have a "revolving door" of visitors over to the house or take Jackson out in public! I know that there are many people who are anxious and excited to meet our miracle baby...but it is still going to be quite a while - probably after his second surgery at three months old - until our team of doctors take a deep breath and lift some of these "healthy" boundaries! They reminded us yet again, that what would be the common cold to Carter and Jordyn...could put Jackson in the hospital, and be a major set back in his healing and care - and they/we are not willing to risk that now! It is going to be hard...but we trust that God's Strength and Grace will abound, and that soon and very soon Jackson will be a healthy and stable miracle baby - that can sing Praises to His Healer and tell of His Great Love with the choirs of God’s people!
Thank you! Thank you for standing with us through your continued prayer foundation, encouragement and love! We are so excited…and so are Carter and Jordyn! You should have seen how the two of the have helped daddy get ready for their little brother to come home! There are no words to describe the joy that is filling our hearts…Praise God - from whom ALL blessings flow! He is The God of Miracles...and we are so blessed!
All Eyes on Jesus!
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