The Journey Continues...: Trust your Spotter...

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

you have broken me—

now let me rejoice.

[Psalm 51: 7-8]

Over the last week, we have had the great opportunity to witness the splendor, majesty and power of God's creation - as He has blanketed us here in the 'burgh with more than two feet of snow! And along with this great covering comes the great frustration of continuous shoveling...or snow blowing, if you are lucky enough to have a snow blower or bought one in preparation of the blizzard, as it is now impossible to find one in any where in the region! Let's be honest - the snow is beautiful and all...but, man it hinders the way we do life doesn't it! The limitations and frustrations it has brought on have been intense - for we want to be able to do what we want to do when we want to do it [like that will ever happen again with three kids] without having to shovel through that wet, nasty, heavy, foot of muck the salt truck plowed your drive shut over the night - after spending two hours digging it out before you went to bed! We want to be able to pass people on the parkway, who don't understand the accelerator is on the right, and that you don't have to pump your breaks when the road is dry! Or to have the ability to go to the grocery store when you wake up early, and want a bowl of Raisin Bran [yeah right Doug - more like a bowl of CoCo Puffs!] and realize that the milk was finished off miraculously overnight...and now a five year old and two year old are wanting there "ToeToe Puffs" [as Jordyn refers to them]! And when we go to the store, which is only a mile away - but takes more than 45min because you have to dig out - again! - only to realize when you get to the store there is no milk two days after the storm! And then...when you think you have a break, you get hammered again with a second storm that starts the frustration of "change" and "limitation" all over again! Anybody else have cabin fever yet...oh the life lesson of "being still" and "waiting on God" - Douglas! It is true - we want to do, what we want to do, when we want to do it...and let's be honest...this creation and world gets in the way sometimes doesn't it...

And if you thought I was talking about the blizzard of 2010...I'm not! I am talking about our normal everyday life in this world - which we all face! Life is not easy! It is not simple! It is not perfect! And the more I read the bible, the more I realize it was never promised to be! And those of us who know Christ as Lord and Savior...we too struggle with limitations and frustrations and need to get a grip, and continue to come to the realization that this life is not all that some crack it up to be! There are fierce frustrations - rooted in the depths of disappointment! There are real limitations opposing our desires! And there is heart break...that leaves us desperately trying to grab a hold of God's pinky in the wake of the raging storm! And these words of Max Lucado's Fearless - overwhelmed me this week, as Kel and I dove head first into study, devotion and prayer in this midst of a very difficult 5-day stretch...

Getting on board with Christ, can mean getting soaked with Christ!

And I propose that we change the word from can to will, because here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows! In the world you will have tribulation! In this world you will have trouble! And this is not my promise...but that of Christ Jesus himself in John 16:33. He doesn't say that life may have struggles - or might be difficult - or could possibly be rough. He says it will be...and the question is - how do we embrace this truth! Do we surrender to this world and live defeated, or surrender before His throne of Grace and live victorious? Do we grab for control or release the burdens in the disappointments of the broken road? Are we captured by the sting of this world or the stripes of the Cross? He never said it would be easy...He just promised it would be worth it!

Over the last week - we have struggled! I mean deep, soul struggles: Questions without answers! Emotions without understanding! Physically, Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually we were tested and tempted! Ever since I updated the blog last Wednesday we have faced a fierce battle - and at times, we were losing badly! We were fighting against each other and with each other as we let down our guard - and let our eyes, mind and heart focus on the loss in this siesmos - fierce storm or earthquake - that we are currently walking through by faith. Our doctors and wise counsel have been encouraging us to keep focused on our marriage - because they have seen earth shattering events like we are facing destroy couples! And I am not minimizing by any means the tragedy of Haiti when I write this next line...but we are experiencing the wake of our very own 7.0 earthquake right now! This journey - has had so many tremors, quakes and after shocks...and as we took a glimpse of the devastation "the shaking" has caused in our life this last week - we were crushed. The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual toll this storm has created - got the best of us as we took a moment to look back - once again realizing that all our dreams, goals and plans that we started out on 7 years ago...are gone! I mean they are gone and no where to be found! And I don't know why "this looking back" happened over this last week...we know better, but I believe it is something to do with the fact that we are once again preparing for a life or death surgery - and I can't begin to express how "quiet" it has gotten the further we walk through this Valley. And not "quiet" in the sense of lack of noise - because there are many conversations, distractions and actions demanding our energy, time and attention - but in the sense of sheer exhaustion from the commotion. In the sense of questions without answers - and learning to accept and embrace that there may never be answers! Quiet in the sense of preparation for a test! In the sense of darkness - yet with a night light! For as we walk deeper through this Valley of Sorrow...yet again we have a choice - to look in the rearview mirror or drive this race by faith!

I am not a fan of NASCAR, for I have never really found the passion of watching 500 laps of continuous left turns for three hours...but I love to watch the last 10 laps, if I get the chance! And the moment that turned this week around for us - literally - was a conversation I had with my wise counsel over coffee [go figure] Thursday morning! Kelly and I were in the midst of maybe the hardest 5 day stretch since Jackson's birth - and I knew that I needed some outside perspective and wisdom! And as I sat there with my dear brother in the Lord we found ourselves talking through the moment we realized and received the news of Jackson's fatal heart defect.

You see we had four choices - all with severe consequences. The choice of abortion; the choice of doing nothing; the choice of preparing for the Norwood series of surgeries; or the choice of the Fetal Surgery - that would ultimately lead to a time of waiting for more choices! And as we stood at that life-changing, life-altering, life-defining crossroads...we realized all four choices were forward! There was no reverse! No back-up! No "do-over"! No "second-chance"! We had to move forward...and the only choice we didn't have - was to go backwards! And so we listened and trusted our "Spotter" as we chose by faith!

In NASCAR - there is no rear view mirror. Heck, there are no mirrors at all on these incredible machines that we call race cars! For that is exactly what they are...they are in a race - and have to be as stream line as possible, with limited distractions and temptations. And if you were to look in the rearview mirror - for just a split second - at 200 mph...I would venture to say there could quite possibly be some severe consequences! Most likely...a considerable amount of pain - not only for you, but for those around you...and possibly even death!

Yes, we still have a rearview mirror that we can look into if we so choose. And if we do choose to try and drive forward by looking backwards in the race He has set before us - there will be severe consequences! There is no time to stare into the rear view mirror, and think about "what might have been", but we did this last week...and trust me we felt the consequences of our choice!

So the question begs to be asked, how then do you maneuver through the race at 200mph without our own control, discernment, knowledge and confidence that mirrors may provide? What do we do when we find ourselves in a tight spot - with what seems to be no way out! You listen and trust the man who is sitting high above the stadium - seeing the entire, vast picture of what lies ahead, beside and behind you! You listen to the voice and trust that the decisions of your spotter are grounded in truth, wisdom, knowledge and discernment beyond your own ability - for life and victory are at stake!

And so I ask, just as Paul asked me Thursday morning...do you trust your Spotter? Are you listening to your Spotter? Do you know your Spotter's voice? Because there is a lot of noise in the quiet - and you need to sift through the noise! Because here is what our Spotter promises...in this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world! [John 16:33]

For those of us who know Christ as Savior and Lord - our Spotter promises victory! Our Spotter is Victory! Our Spotter sees all, knows all and is over all! And even though it is not a life of comfort or ease - it is worth it! For He Promises full and abundant life! And, so I cry out...just as David did after his fall to sin...

Have mercy on me, O God,

because of your unfailing love.

Because of your great compassion,

blot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt.

Purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion;

it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;

I have done what is evil in your sight.

You will be proved right in what you say,

and your judgment against me is just.

For I was born a sinner—

yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

But you desire honesty from the womb,

teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

you have broken me—

now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.

Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Renew a loyal spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence,

and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and make me willing to obey you.

Then I will teach your ways to rebels,

and they will return to you...

[Psalm 51: 1-15, NLT]

And so the Lord has unsealed my lips...and I shout His Praise! Kelly and I have had an incredible morning of prayer, conversation, reflection and decision to move forward again - listening and trusting our Spotter! And just as Paul wrote in Philippians 3:12-14...[we] press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, [we] have not achieved it, but [we]focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, [we] press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Jackson Update:

Jackson continues to do "ok". We have had some good days - and some not so good days! He is a very "fussy" baby at times - which compounds the stress of not allowing him to get "worked up" or cry. So keeping him content and comfortable is a very difficult task at times! He is still not sleeping much through the day...but is finally beginning to enjoy and sleep in his swing - allowing for a much needed break for our arms! The doctors are very pleased with his progress and share that he is doing "as best as can be expected"! However - they keep reminding us that even though he looks so good - he is still not out of the woods yet, and not to let our guards down - but to keep doing what we have been doing, whatever that might be! So we continue to keep vigilant, stay prayerful and prepare for the worse - yet hope for the best!

Speaking of preparing for the worse...please keep our current time of preparation in your prayers! As we continue to prepare for yet another - life or death surgery - we know what the worse is...and continue to ask for peace and strength as we look into the face of this possibility! We know that God is sovereign - and His Will is good, pleasing and perfect - and that Jackson is His perfect Creation! We know that God is Faithful...but it is still extremely difficult to fully embrace this truth, and only possible through Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in our lives!

The hospital actually cancelled his weekly appointment this week - due to the snow - which we saw as a great encouragement to the confidence our team of doctors has in us and Jackson's progress! Plans continue for the Cath intervention to take place March 4th to check the internal pressures of his heart, and the Glenn surgery to follow March 11th.

He is developing quite the personality! He has a ton of spunk, energy and amazing strength...and it has been truly awesome to see him develop over the last several weeks! He loves to show off the smile, and has begun to express himself vocally - including some "coos" every now and then!

He has a bit of a cold that he got from his big sis [who had her first experience in the "snose" the other day, and caught a little stuffy nose from being outside in the cold] who continues to love on him - with great big kisses!

Carter continues to set the example...and his faith and prayers are absolutely amazing! The other day he was the "prayer leader" at the dinner table, where he blessed us with one of the most amazing - heart felt prayers I may have ever heard. Bubba continues to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally in ways that are just truly amazing. It is a true blessing to be able to watch our little gentleman grow into a young man of God! Exciting times right now in his life! And one final note on Carter - his transition back to school at Eden Christian Academy with Mrs. Koster has been truly awesome! Please continue to pray for his class - and the entire school, as they head into their annual Spiritual Emphasis week this week, where they will be focusing teaching and activities around the them of: Champions for Christ - running the race with - get this - All Eyes on Jesus! How awesome is our God! It truly has become a rally cry across the generations!

We hope you have a wonderful weekend...and thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement and support! All Eyes on Jesus!

[Hope these picture highlights from the week will brighten up your day!]